Words of blessing as seeds of love

One of Caleb’s magical qualities was his ability to speak words of blessing over others.  And when no words were spoken, with a smile and a twinkle of his eye, he communicated that you were valued, treasured, and cared for.  This was a common refrain that we heard again and again from those who knew and loved him…

“Every time I saw him, he always smiled and greeted me in such a way that I knew he saw me and that he cared for me.” (B. Wakeman)

How do you deal with such a loss?  We just passed the week of the 1st anniversary of his death, his heaven day. The day he went ahead of me to heaven.  I have felt such a heavy oppression threatening to undo my soul for the month leading up to this date on the calendar. Around me, life is moving on.  Pictures of happy families are being taken, milestones and memories are being made.  I don’t have any more memories with Caleb here. No more pictures. No more calls from him, or messages of love. I feel so broken inside, like I’ll never be whole again.  Nothing seems right without Caleb here.  Everything seems just a little bit off.

I spoke to Ren, his sweet wife, on the phone the other day. As we wept together, we grappled with this weight that still feels so foreign, so violent.  We ended the conversation acknowledging the pain and turning our faces to a God who knows, who holds us and hears us.  That is the beauty of Caleb’s life and legacy.  He showed us a picture of Jesus, by the way he lived his life and loved those around him. 

As his dear friend Brevin said, “I will miss your gentle kindness, your testament to the glory and beauty of the Gospel, your depth and wisdom…my friend, you ran the race well and I, among many others, are better for it.”

Yes, we are better for it. I am better for it.

In a beautiful way, Caleb sowed the seeds of kindness, love, and faith in a God who can be trusted even when nothing makes sense.  And through his example, we follow in his footsteps, declaring that we trust in this same God.  We are reaping those seeds of faith today. 

Thank you son for your love and words and deeds of blessing you spoke over me…

You told me I was special.

You told me I was strong.

You told me I was compassionate.

You told me that if it wasn’t for me, you didn’t know if you’d even be here.

You told others, I was your superhero.

And because you sowed these seeds in my heart, you made me believe it.  (Although I still struggle with remembering and living it).

Because you took the time to be intentional in your dad’s and my life, the lives of your siblings, in Ren’s life, and the lives of those around you, we are led more easily to faith in a God who sees and knows. By God’s grace, may we take those seeds that you planted in our hearts and invest them in the hearts of others.

Thank you, son.  I love you. ❤️

Oh, how you loved these fireside moments. Praising the Lord, drawing close to those around you, sharing thoughts and dreams. I’m so looking forward to that time when I’ll be able to sit again with you by the fire. I have a feeling we’ll have so much to talk about. See you soon, my boy.