Being a military family has its challenges. But it’s not without its perks. You have a ready community of friends that you meet through deployments and transitions. On Active Duty, every few years you move to another place, with new people, in a new area. You make new friends. When Kyle was on Active Duty, I loved all of the new experiences and the places we got to go. So, when Kyle decided to do something new, after living for 7 years in Illinois, he left his job and went to Texas to train for a completely new career. I was apprehensive to say goodbye to military life, which was the only thing we had ever known as a family. But I was optimistic for the future. I trusted that God would be with us whatever we decided to do. The new career field promised good things and I watched him leave with anticipation for our future.
What I didn’t know was that my faith was about to be put to the test. What I didn’t realize is that though God provides, it’s often not in the ways we would expect, and sometimes, not in the ways we would choose.
While training in Texas, it became clear that the possibilities were not quite as endless as we had been led to believe. Kyle called me after the on site job fair and our future seemed more uncertain than ever. All day long, I fought feelings of anxiety and fear over what was to come. Would he be able to find a job? Would it pay enough to support a family of 7? Would we not have a home? Would we have to live out of our van? My mind went to some pretty dark places that day. (I even had visions of us painting our van with flowers and bright colors and me in long skirts, with all kids in tow!) I kept praying through the anxiety, asking the Lord to provide, to help me to trust him. But the anxious feelings kept bubbling up to the surface, keeping my mind and heart in a worrisome state. That night I had a dream that settled my fears and filled me with a peace that sustained me as I stepped out into an unknown future.
I dreamt I entered into an elevator, and pushed the button as the doors closed, with me and another person inside. Immediately, the elevator plunged downward, out of control.
I was free falling. And I knew that I would probably die.
As we plunged to the death that awaited us, I began, in my terror, to cry out to Jesus.
“Jesus, save us!”
“Jesus, help us!”
“Jesus…”
“Jesus…”
“Jesus…”
And a peace that I cannot describe, enveloped me like a blanket on a cold night. Though I did not know what lay ahead, I called on the only one who could take care of me…Jesus. And he answered by filling my heart with the “peace that surpasses all understanding.” (Philippians 4:7)
In my dream, the words came into my head like a whisper…_
“They looked to him, and were radiant”
The dream ended as we gently touched down, the doors opened, and my aunt who lived in Colorado, was there to greet us. Bizarre, I know. I didn’t know at the time what it all meant, but the peace was enough.
The next morning, I went to my Bible and looked up the verse. This is what I found. Psalm 34 reads…
“I will bless the LORD at all times;
his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul makes its boast in the LORD;
let the humble hear and be glad.
Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
and let us exalt his name together!
_
I sought the LORD, and he answered me
and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.
This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them.
Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack!
The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
_
Come, O children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
What man is there who desires life
and loves many days, that he may see good?
Keep your tongue from evil
And your lips from speaking deceit.
Turn away from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous
and his ears toward their cry.
The face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
_
Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the LORD delivers him out of them all.
He keeps all his bones;
Not one of them is broken.
Affliction will slay the wicked,
and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
The LORD redeems the life of his servants;
none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.”
I sat there in silent wonder.
In the unknown, look to Jesus. Keep your eyes on Jesus. He is our helper, savior, deliverer, protector, and friend. He hears us and delights to do us good. He is near to the brokenhearted.
Oh, friend! Do you hear it? Do you see it? Can you taste it?
We do not know what tomorrow holds. But we know who holds tomorrow. And more significantly…who holds us, in our fears, in our anxieties, and in our sorrows. We are separated by the thinnest of veils between the world we now see and eternity. How are we going to live out THIS DAY with that knowledge?
And in the darkness, when we are lost in a swirl of doubt, and even grief, as we look to him, we will be radiant!
In the end, Kyle got back into the military and got a job in Colorado…where my aunt lives! We experienced a delightful year of visits with her, a wonderful church family, and many outdoor adventures. It was good for all of us. God had a good plan. I just didn’t know about it yet.
Years later, on July 13th, 2022, I faced the greatest enemy…death.
How could God work through this, and bring good?!
My son drove home after a day of work to his new bride. But, he never arrived. And my mama heart was ripped out of my chest. There is still a gaping hole. You just can’t see it. But I know it’s there. The pain comes and goes. Sometimes worse than others. Recently, as I thought of my dream, I heard the familiar whisper of long ago…look to Jesus. Trust him. He has a good plan. You just can’t see it yet.
One of these days, I’m going to close my eyes on this life and open them in a place where there is no more doubts or fears, no more sin entangling my heart, and no more tears. It’s going to be my greatest adventure yet. And, as a sweet friend said, maybe, when I see Jesus, he’ll smile and whisper, “There’s someone here who wants to see you.” And when I see the joyful face of my son, ever proud of his warrior mama, I’ll understand more because I will see more clearly. And I’ll finally be able to say fully and completely,
“It was a good plan. Now, I see it.”