Helpful Books on navigating through grief:
The first few months after Caleb died, I couldn’t formulate many coherent thoughts, let alone handle reading anything too complex. To survive this unimaginable reality, I found that I needed to lean on my Savior day to day, sometimes moment to moment. I could not make it without Him. For awhile, my front porch became my grieving place, my altar. There, I would talk to Jesus. There I would pour out my tears before Him. I would try to make sense of it, to grasp the fact that Caleb was really gone. With my Bible in hand, and my prayer book, devotional, and a book on grief beside me, I would gaze at pictures of my sweet boy, his wedding, of him and his friends, of him and us. These are some books I found helpful during that time. I will add to it periodically.
1. The Bible
“After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to the twelve, ‘Do you want to go away as well?’ Simon Peter answered him, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.’” (John 6:66-69)
Sometimes, life is excruciatingly painful. It is in those times that we often realize, there is only one place to turn. We must cast our eyes on the one who made us, loves us, and died for us. His word gives us hope that He “works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28) Even death. He has promised that, “It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” (Deuteronomy 31:8) I have seen this to be true.
2. Every Moment Holy Volume II Death, Grief, and Hope (Pocket Edition)
I drank from this book, praying beautiful words to the Savior and Friend I had always known but whose face now seemed obscured by the storm raging around me. This little book anchored me to Him.
3. A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis
With raw honesty, C.S. Lewis puts words of lament to the heart of grief, upon the death of his beloved wife, Joy. Though each grief journey is unique, Lewis had the courage to yell, doubt, and kick at the God who allowed this to happen. He gives us the courage to do the same.
4. Lament for a Son by Nicholas Wolterstorff
This book was incredibly healing to me as the author described his journey of loosing his son around the same age as we lost Caleb. I identified so closely with his story. I think I’m going to reread it soon!
5. Seasons of Sorrow by Tim Challies
Again, this story mirrored my own in many ways. Both of us lost sons in their early twenties to a tragic death. Both boys were faithful followers of Christ. Both intentionally loved those around them and both showed the beauty and worth of Jesus through their gentle and kind personalities. Challies walks through you through the first year following the death of their son Nick, and his words bring hope in the darkness of grief.
4. Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman
There are many good devotionals out there and sometimes when I couldn’t focus on the Scriptures, this devotional was helpful to point me to the Word with a little snippet or story which helped.
4. Dwell App
There were times when I couldn’t read but I needed to hear the words of God read to me. This subscription Scripture reading app has many different narrators and background music to choose from. They even have playlists available…Sleep to the Promises of God, Peaceful Psalms, Sleep to the Goodness of God, etc. There were nights when the horror of loosing my eldest son, seemed to overtake me. It was in those times that I would text a friend to pray and turn on my playlist while I fell asleep to the words of God. This was a very helpful tool. They have a 14 day free trial if you want to check it out.